“I fix nothing. I let it go.” - Jean-Paul Sartre
I have this quote, ripped from last year’s Zen Buddhist Calendar stuck to my refrigerator door with a magnet I bought while in Las Vegas when I vacationed there in my twenties, that boldly states in red, “Las Vegas” surrounded by palm trees and other Vegas-y things.
For me, right now that quote couldn’t be truer than true which is why on November 8th, 2019, the day after it was displayed on the calendar, I didn’t have the heart to toss it in with the recycling or use it as scrap paper. So, I see it every morning as I grab my heavy cream from the fridge to splash it into my coffee, bleary eyed and waiting for my caffeine fix.
There are some broken things in my life right now. There are things that I couldn’t fix if I tried.
There are relationships that if I tried to “fix” them and set them right, I know that it would make things worse. And, I don’t want to do that.
Sometimes fixing something is not the loving thing to do. Sometimes letting things be as they are and acknowledging that maybe things have shifted and evolved and are just different is the best thing for everyone.
What I know about Love is that it doesn’t judge.
If you genuinely care for another person, it doesn’t ask them to change or to fit into who you would like them to be for you. Love is the opposite of that.
It sits between two people no matter who the other person decides they want to be or what choices they make. It simply sits and witnesses and maybe waits a bit to see what will happen. But, it never presses, or creates rules, or extends ultimatums.
When I first became a yoga teacher, Jeffrey came to one of my classes. I was so excited to have him back on his mat. It had been years at this point since he had practiced and I was hoping beyond hope that this would be his return to yoga. But, though he enjoyed my class and thought I did well, I knew it wasn’t for him, yet I still held onto the hope that he’d change his mind.
The first couple of years of teaching I tried everything to get him back to it. I have no idea why it was so damn important to me to get him to do something he obviously had no more interest in. And, we would get frustrated with each other every time it came up.
He would get an edge to his voice, I became shrill. It sucked. And, then one night, while walking Chandi there was an opening for me to bring it up once again and, for the first time, I decided not to. It was better if I just loved the Jeffrey that wasn’t into yoga, but allowed me to be.
It was a big a-ha moment that I never have really discussed with him.
That night I decided I loved him too much to try and turn him into the version of him I had designed in my head that I thought would be better. He was already pretty darn fantastic and, yet, my ego would have me rip apart this relationship over something quite dumb. And, what was it for? So, I could be right?
I already know yoga is awesome. I don’t need to prove it to anyone. If it’s not for them, it’s not for them.
I know I’m not the only yoga student or teacher that has desperately wanted to get a loved one on the mat. I also know I’m not the only one that wants to “fix” a situation, or person, or any of the things that make us uncomfortable in our life.
But, to truly love someone is to let your perceptions of who they “should” be, go. I could say, right now, “Love them, anyway.” But, even that seems to have a judgement in it.
Just Love them. Let them be who they were meant to be and allow your Self to be who you were meant to be.
If it’s a loving a relationship it has no rules. You don’t have to do this or be that. It’s very simple. Be the Love.
Tori Hicks-Glogowski is an online yoga instructor and yoga business coach and mentor for yoga teachers. She is the author of the book, "Views from the Podium: The Life & Times of a Hot Yogi," and has been writing and sharing her yoga experience for the past seven years. Find out more about Tori now.